


Two Ghosts

by Babygayness



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Ex-Boyfriends, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Angst, Soft!Ben, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, im really not good at this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:36:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25154071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babygayness/pseuds/Babygayness
Summary: Ben and Callum were childhood sweethearts but when Callum left Ben heartbroken on that train platform to leave for his army training. He never expected to be back in Walford and he never expected to see Ben again.‘So here Callum was, back in Walford about to move in with his brother that he hadn’t talked to properly apart from the odd letter to show that he wasn’t dead and the fiancé that he hadn’t even met, but yet he couldn't stop staring at the Carlot, he heard from Whitney that Ben hadn't long moved back and had taken over the car lot from Phil. Callum couldn't help himself, he needed to see him‘xSequel to Just Let Me Adore you but can be read as a oneshot!
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	Two Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Now this is the sequel to my multichapter fic but you’re can read this as a oneshot without having to read the other fic! But too all the people that read JLMAY I hope you like this, and yeah thank so much for all the comments and kudos as always I just hope you enjoy <3
> 
> ||Somethings to note||  
> Paul and Chris are non existent in the AU  
> Callum and Whit did date as teenagers  
> It’s basically Callum coming back from the army like he did in 2018 but instead of coming home to whit he’s coming home to his ex boyfriends.

June 26th 2011

“Don't do this," It was quiet, so quiet Callum almost didn't hear it turning around to face Ben when he did "Please Callum you can't do this to me" Ben's lip wobbled as he tried to hold himself together, the sellotape he was using peeling away at the edges.

"Ben.." Callum's voice reeked of pity, it made Ben sick to his stomach. "I'll be back in a few months, we can write letters and email" It felt like Ben's eyes was the ocean and the tears came like a tsunami, the broke the flood gates and now he was stood sobbing broken, waiting for Callum to did what he did best. To pick up the pieces. To glue him back together piece by piece.

"Then you'll leave again" Ben felt like a spoilt brat but he couldn't help it. Callum was that brand new toy that Ben couldn't afford. "If you leave now, that's it you leave me behind and I let you go" Ben scrubbed his eyes with his sleeves trying to show he was serious. He felt selfish trying to make Callum chose between him and the army, maybe deep down he hoped that Callum would pick him. He just wanted Callum to let him adore him with every fibre of his body and he couldn't see Callum doing that halfway across the country, or halfway across the globe. He had to do this.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Callum mumbled his own voice starting to break as he tries to keep control of his own tears. Ben nodded slowly and that set him off. He broke. Heart-shattering into a thousand little pieces. Callum's must have done the same as his face dropped just at the train pulled into the station. It was cruel of Ben, he knew that, to put Callum in a horrible position seconds before he had to leave. Callum didn't sob like Ben did, didn't beg like Ben did just took Ben's hand in his own.

"I love you," Callum whispered kissing Ben so intensely it took away his breath. It was a heart-stopping kiss that made his legs weak and his heartache for more. They never kissed in public like this but it was like the universe was telling them too, for the first and last time. It was one of the best kisses of Ben's life but it was over as quick as it happened and then Callum was leaving, he didn't say anything. Just picked up his bag and walked towards the train. It was like as Callum walked away he carelessly dragged Ben's heart behind him. Bruising it with each rough step. He didn't even look back and smile, but what Ben didn't know is that Callum couldn't, he couldn't turn and face the boy that turned his world upside down in the best way possible. He was barely holding himself together, one look at Ben and he would break. He couldn't let Ben see the tears that were burning his cheeks. Ben was his everything, Ben made him realise who he was, made him proud to be it, made him feel love, made him feel special and now Callum was selfishly leaving him behind. How could he face him after doing that? He was betraying him. So he stepped on that train as Ben stood lonely on the platform, not daring to turn back. Pieces of both of them shattered and scattered everywhere with no one to pick them and put them back together again.

||30th April 2018||

It's been years, since the breakup. The love bites and marks quickly faded from their skin, followed by the scent fading from hoodies they hid under their pillows, followed by the love fading from their hearts leaving nothing but the memories of their kisses in the rain, confessions in the dark and lost love in the sun. Callum didn't expect to ever come back to the square. It too full of memories of Ben and their teenage years. If he was on leave from the army he wouldn’t return to his family like everyone else, no he crashed on his mate’s sofas, going to gay bars in the hope he could find someone to seduce in the hope they would take him home so he could have a bed for the night. Callum even spent one Christmas huddled up alone in a hotel room, eating crisps and chocolates while watching the queen’s speech. It was like he was lost, drifting through the years waiting for something to ground him. He just wasn’t expecting a bomb to be the one to do it, but yet here he was, standing in the middle of the square hand gripped onto the strap of his bag as he looked longingly at the small blue building the car lot.

||two days earlier||

"Hi Stu, it's me, Callum," he said into the phone after Stuart picked up his call. He surprised he even did, this was the first time in nearly seven years that Callum called. The pain of Stuart outing him to his father all those years ago still fresh in his memory. Stuart being the reason he lost Ben, the reason his father saw him as nothing but a failure.

"Alright, bruv!" Stuart's voice was cheery it almost hurt Callum's ear, it was almost like he was mocking him. Mocking him with his happiness, how could Callum match that? After everything that happened in the past few days. No no in the past few years.

"Yeah yeah I'm good, look I'm on leave for a little bit and I was wondering if I could stay with you...I mean I understand if you don’t want me there..but I have nowhere else to go..” Callum took a moment to focus on the whiteness of the hospital room, it was so white, it reminded him of what he saw after the first bomb went off and he had to take a minute to squeeze his eyes shut to stop the tears.

"Course you can bruv! It'll be good to get the Highways brothers back together again! Ah I'm sure Raine will be fine with it too, I'll set up the spare bedroom". The excitement was too much for Callum and the tears kept filled his eyes. He was seconds away from breaking down.

~

So here Callum was, back in Walford about to move in with his brother that he hadn’t talked to properly apart from the odd letter to show that he wasn’t dead and the fiancé that he hadn’t even met o, but yet he couldn't stop staring at the Carlot, he heard from Whitney that Ben hadn't long moved back and had taken over the car lot from Phil. Callum couldn't help himself, he needed to see him, so he walked up to the door past all the expensive cars that he was almost certain they weren’t legit, before slowly opening the door walking in.

Ben slowly turned and faced him, and time just froze for Callum, everything blurred apart from Ben. He looked older but his eyes were the same blue, his lips the same red. He was still his Ben, the Ben that haunted his dreams late at night, the same Ben he pictured with every meaningless one nightstand. Callum's heart skipped a beat as he looked at Ben not breaking eye contact. Callum was feeling himself getting lost in those eyes like all those years ago. Them dragging him back, feelings he had forgotten rushing back through him. He felt as if he was 16 again wanting nothing but the boy that stood opposite him. He held his breath as he watched Ben take a step closer to him, he didn't need words, they never did. He watched as Ben quickly reached his arm out to the desk pushing all the contents on the floor without breaking eye contact, it wasn't perfect, the desk wasn't completely cleared, the odd binder was still sticking out but Callum knew exactly what Ben meant, he dropped his bag and he stepped closer to him leaning in. Ben quickly grabbed his neck and Callum pressed his hand against's Ben's cheek, lips connecting hard as Ben pulled him down with him as he laid down on the desk wrapping his legs around Callum's waist hands still holding onto his neck. They kept kissing as if they were against the clock, it was rough and sloppy but everything Callum wanted, dreamed about for the past few years. Ben’s touch burning again his skin, he finally felt alive after feeling numb for months. Then the pain ripped through him, starting in his side before taking over his body completely, he tried to push past it to keep kissing Ben, trying to focus on his blue shirt, and the way his hands felt against his skin, the way they kissed but it became too much.

"Ah, Ben! Ben stop" He grumbled as he pulled his lips away resting his forehead against's Bens shutting his eyes as the pain made his legs weak. He couldn't stop the groan of discomfort from falling his lips. He felt Bens hand against his cheek.

"Callum, what is it?" Callum almost burst into tears when he heard Ben's voice, it was too much, every wound that was scarred from their break up opened up again. Callum shook his head as he tried to compose himself but he couldn't he stood back as Ben loosen his grip as he dropped his legs. Callum turned his head looking at his side as he slowly pressed his hand against his shirt, he shut his eyes trying to ignore the pain, he pulled his hand away and frowned when he saw the blood.

"Callum, Callum you're bleeding" Ben's voice was panicked and broken as he jumped up from the desk pressing his fingers gently against Callum's shirt, looking up at him softly before looking back down at the blood that was smudged against his skin. "We need to get you to a hospital". Callum shook his head stroking his hand through Ben's hair still trying to ignore the pain.

"I have bandages and shit in my bag" He replied through gritted teeth, as he sat on the sofa holding his side as he doubled over in pain. Ben grabbed his bag hands shaking as he pulled out the stuff looking at Callum desperate to ask it all was, but he didn’t, he was putting Callum first like he always did.

"What do you need me to do?" His voice was soft, his voice has always been soft to Callum, He told Ben what to do as Ben knelt down on the floor as he looked up at Callum listening carefully to each word as Callum unbuttoned his shirt pushing it to the side. Callum pealed the blood-soaked dressing off.His whole body looked a state, stitches and bruises scattered across his skin. It was the first time he saw the extent of his injuries, it hit him then, the explosion, the war, the army. He cried as he kept telling Ben what to do, the sobs tumbling from his lips.

"I've got you I've got you" Ben whispered over and over again as he finished putting the bandage gently pressing it on. Everything Ben did them was gentle, Callum could barely feel the touches and if he did they were comforting. Ben pressed a small kiss to Callum's cheek running his hand through Callum's hair. It was soft, tender and everything Callum needed in his moment of weakness. Ben was the painkiller that Callum needed, that Callum always needed.

"Hi," Callum whispered sobs still quietly escaping him. He looked at Ben chewing his lip nervously, they hadn't even properly greeted each other yet it felt like they never said goodbye, that the years hasn't been passing by and they were still the same two sixteen-year-olds that just wanted to be loved. That were loved before Callum threw it all away and for what? His father’s approval that he didn’t even get? To fight in a war that he didn’t want to.

"Hi" Ben chuckled softly hand still delicately playing with Callum's hair, "what are you doing here?" Ben's eyes started to fill with tears, it was too much for the both of them, it was beautiful but painful to be sharing the same space with each other again. They both know they needed to talk, but right now both of them just wanted to be the old them just for a little bit.

"I-uh-got injured, a bomb-" Callum didn't even know how to explain, it all happened so fast, he hadn't even talked to anyone about what happened. He was planning to lie to everyone, just wanting to forget it happened, but he couldn’t not to Ben. He never could lie to Ben, even as kids when Callum was lying about his sexuality he couldn’t to Ben. "Iraq" he shut his eyes briefly trying to block out the memories. "I shouldn't of come here, I just-I've missed you". Callum wasn't stupid. He knew he couldn't walk in here and expect it to go back to them being sixteen and madly in love with each other but he wanted it. He never realised how much until that moment. He wanted to be Ben’s again, he wanted to forget everything that happened and just to pretend he never left on that train.

"You got injured?" Ben mumbled looking at him. Callum was sure he could hear his heartbreaking. "You should of never went I told you you shouldn't of gone now look at you!" Ben's voice was harsh but the way he was touching Callum's skin and playing with his hair was gentle. Callum knew he was right but he didn't want to argue, he never could argue with Ben so he focused on one of the desks. There was a picture on one of the desks that caught his eye. A young girl with the brightest blue eyes, the blondest hair and a smile that could outshine the morning sun like Ben’s.She couldn't be older than seven. She looked a lot like Lola so he looked back at Ben.

"Whose little girl is that? She looks just like Lola?" He asks quick to change the subject from his injury. "Lola and jays?" Ben quickly looked down pulling his hand away from Callum’s hair. The tension-filled the air, thick and dense and Callum couldn’t figure out why”

"No Th-that's Lexi you're right she's Lola's" Ben was mumbling as he fiddled with the packaging the bandages came in avoiding eye contact with Callum. "And mine, she's my daughter Cal,” He mumbled so quietly that Callum was sure he didn't hear him right. He turned and focused on buttoning his shirt up properly. His brain went straight into overdrive.

"You have a daughter?" Callum asked sitting up straighter trying to ignore the burn tearing through his side. "How did that happen then?" He asked trying to act casual but his voice came out snappy and judgemental.

"Uh-after you left" Ben sighed standing himself up grabbing all the wrappers and backs from the plasters and chucking them in the bin trying to avoid everything. “It sounds so fucking stupid but I didn't know how to cope with the grief of losing you" he was avoiding eye contact with Callum and it broke Callum's heart. "My feelings were all over the place and well Prom and alcohol is never a good mix is it?" Ben was now focusing on clearing up the desk a small forced laugh painfully came from his chest" I told her I thought I was bi..she had just broken up with Jay..we were both hurting so we slept together" Ben sighed. Callum stood up and limped over to him and slowly intertwined his fingers with his rubbing his thumb softly against the back of his hand. "Turns out I'm still gay but with a daughter" Ben laughed. It wasn't a real laugh it felt bitter and harsh. “First time with a girl and I get a daughter, feels a bit cruel”

"She's got your eyes and your smile" Callum whispered kissing his cheek softly before hiding his face in Ben's neck taking in his scent. The scent he's been craving for the past years. The scent that faded from the hoodie far too quickly.

“Callum," Ben sighed softly tilting his head to the side. They couldn’t do this, they both knew this. They both knew they couldn’t pick up the pieces, but they craved it.

"I know I know just let me have this," Callum pleaded softly taking a deep breath, shutting his eyes to stop himself from crying. He slowly pulled himself away from Ben. Ben turned trying to fight the urge to pull him back against him wanting to just lose himself. Both them just wanted to be back in year 11, back hidden up it Ben’s room with soft whispers of love.

"Uh, so how have you been?" Callum asked as he awkwardly picked up his backpack slinging it on his arm.

"Uh good..well not good..it's been a long time hasn't it?" Ben mumbles fiddling with a piece of paper

"Yeah Whitney told me you went to prison," Callum said bluntly then frowned "I- I'm sorry I didn't mean that" he began to panic but Ben just laughed smiling brightly at him.

"You haven't changed" he muttered genuinely taking his lip between his teeth trying to hide his smile. "I've missed you" Callum looked down once he felt the blush spread on his cheeks.

"Yeah I missed you too" Callum looked back up getting himself lost in Ben's eyes. They stayed like that for a while. Just looking at each other neither wanting to break it. "Uh-I should uh be getting back to work gotta try and get rid of this Vauxhall" Ben laughed looking away focusing to straighten out the desk.

"Right maybe we can have a proper catch up at some point," Callum mumbled not wanting this to end. Wanting to stay, wanting to kiss him, wanting to get to know him again and wanting to allow himself to feel love again. Ben quickly turned and scribbled something down on a piece of paper and placed it in Callum's palm before turning around pretending to focus on work. Callum looked at the paper and couldn't help but smile as he read Ben's number. He carefully turned and slid the piece of paper in his pocket. Before hobbling out of the small car lot.

Callum looked around once the fresh air hit him wanting to avoid Stuart for as long as possible. Nothing has changed since he was last here and one thing that caught his eye was the Queen Vic. It reminded him of family. Family.That and Ben was the only things he considered family. That's what he needed right now and he couldn’t have Ben so this would have to do. He took in a small breath trying to ignore the pain the was stabbed in his side as he walks towards the one place that felt like home beside Ben's arms. He pushed open the door and he couldn't help but smile the memories flooding back to him. He took a moment to take it all in before stumbling over to the bar. Looking round unable to hide the smile.

"Callum!" He heard glasses rattle as the were placed carelessly on the bar by Lee. Lee left the army a few years before but they stayed in contact, letters, face time and the rare visit out of town when Callum was on leave. Callum looked at him. He looked good. Healthy and smiley compared to when Callum last saw him, obviously leaving the army did him good and Callum couldn’t help but wish to himself that it would get better from him now. Lee hopped over the bar and pulled him into a hug. Callum hugged him back tightly. This is what he's been missing the past 6 years. The feeling of having a home. The feeling of being welcome and now it all came flooding back.

“What are you doing here?! Hold on let me get a pint!” Callum couldn’t help but smile. As he watched Lee walk back round the bar grabbing a glass.

“I’m on leave ain’t I? Thought I’d swing by” Callum watched as Lee pulled the pint, he shouldn’t be drinking, he can’t on the painkillers he’s on but he still took the pint from Lee taking a small sip letting the bitter taste burn his throat.

“Weren’t you on leave a couple months ago?” Lee quizzed as he leaned across the bar. “Don’t matter though, wait till Whit sees you and Lola god they’re gonna be over the moon. They talk about you a lot you know” Callum couldn’t help but smile as he brushed his thumb against the glass watching the condensation smudge. “Oh Dad and Mum, they’re just picking up Ollie but shit they’re gonna be thrilled” Callum just nodded along not sure what else to say, he felt a fraud among everyone.

“Mummy! I want the fish and chips please,” Callum turned when he heard the child’s voice. There Lexi stood, with Lola by her side. He couldn’t help but smile glancing up Lola.

“Yeah yeah okay ba-Callum?!” Lola looked him up and down grinning at him “it’s really you!” Before Callum could process anything he was standing being pulled into another bone-crushing hug. He’d been so stupid, he needed this. This is what he needed, the friends, the feeling he belonged.

“Lola” Callum couldn’t help the crack in his voice as the tears filled his eyes once again, but it wasn’t sadness, it was the best feeling. “Oh I’ve missed you” he mumbled kissing the top of her head. He pulled away smiling at her. She hadn’t changed, hair still the bright blonde, fashion sense still the same bright colours.

“You’re in my mummy’s photo album!” The little girl excitedly bounced up and down. Callum held his breath, she was Ben. Ben’s smile.

“God she looks just like him,” Callum couldn’t help himself from muttering it.

“You spoke to Ben?” Lola quizzed as she raised an eyebrow. Callum just nodded as he kept smiling at Lexi as she fiddled with her hair.

“Mummy said you were best friends when you were younger” Lexi grinned up at him blue eyes shining.

“Yeah yeah we were, I was friends with your daddy too,” Callum suddenly felt overwhelmed by everything, exhaustion starting to spread through him, slowly taking over him covering him. He was due another round of painkillers too “look I need to get my stuff sorted but uh maybe we can catch up sometimes, I’m sorry I just gotta go” He didn’t even wait for them to respond as he grabbed his bag shuffling through the pub ignoring the calls that followed after him.

Callum still couldn’t face seeing Stuart so he went to the park, the park that he and Ben had so many memories. He sat on the swing set, he stayed there for hours, even when it started to spit with rain. He just sat and thought. Remembering the times that he and Ben would spend here, the times where he stupidly thought that he and Ben would be happy forever. It was pathetic really. Ben had moved on with his life, he had the car lot, a daughter, he had friends. Callum didn’t move on and what did he have? No friends, no home, nothing just a brother who he was currently avoiding and a long list of meaningless one night stands. He wasn’t mad for Ben moving on, of course, he wasn’t. He was mad at himself. Mad at himself for thinking it would be a good idea to come here, it wasn’t. All it resulted in was him getting hurt again. God, he was so tired, the side still sore, he should of gone to Stuart’s but he couldn’t so he reached into his pocket pulling out the piece of paper that Ben gave him earlier that day. He couldn’t help himself, he was selfish and needy so he typed the numbers in his phone.

{Hey}-Callum

{You’re a man of many words aren’t you highway?}-Ben

{Where about are you? I’ve been looking for you everywhere}-Ben

Ben replied instantly, it made Callum’s heart fluttered in the same way it did all when he was 16 and Ben messaged pop up on his battered blackberry.

{swing set}-Callum.

Less than five minutes later Ben wondered and sat on the swing next to Callum’s. They stayed in silence for a moment. Not even looking at each other.

“Lola called me after she saw you, said you got yourself all freaked out” Ben mumbled looking down at his hands before looking at Callum.

“I shouldn’t of come back here, I don’t even know why I did” Callum sighed finally looking up at Ben meeting his eyes “I had nowhere else to go, I thought I could handle it” Callum shook his head as he tiredly rubbed his eyes trying to get his thoughts in order instead of letting them swirl and twist in his head getting tangled. Ben stayed quiet, letting Callum think, giving him the space to express himself.

“I’ve fucked up, I messed up leaving you, I messed up the army and now I messed up coming back here” Callum pressed his palms into his eyes to stop the tears. He was sick of crying.He was sick of feeling weak the feeling making him feel disgusted with himself. “You were right, I never wanted to leave, I stupidly thought that it would make dad and Stuart want me again, but why the fuck did I want them to want me? I didn’t want them it was always you Ben!”

“Take a breath” Ben whispered softly. He was looking at Callum so intensely. Just everything about Ben was so soothing to Callum. He was the lullaby that tucked Callum in at night, the fire that kept Callum warm on a winter day. Even after all these years, Ben was the one thing Callum could rely on.

“I haven’t been happy since I lost you” Callum whispered, confessing into the silence. The sun was just about to set, Orange peaking through the dark rain clouds. “I was so stupid” he sighed “You and me, we had something so special, I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to you” Ben stood causing the swing to creak and blow in the wind.

“You’re not stupid” Ben was still so soft, even with his face scarred after all the fights he got into in and out of prison. He would always be the softness in Callum’s life. “And I broke up with you remember, because I was too selfish to have to share you with the army” Ben mumbled as he gently ran his hand through Callum’s hair. “I never stopped thinking about you, Callum. You’re impossible to forget about” Ben chuckled ever so softly before leaning forward pressing his lips against Callum’s. Soft, there was no other words Callum could use to describe it. Callum stood himself up grabbing onto ben’s face as he kissed him with all the love he could. Wanting to show him just how much Ben still meant to him. Ben was doing the same and the kiss soon became electric. Before they knew it they were lying on the ground of the park, kisses against Ben’s neck, soft moans in Callum’s ear.

~

Callum laid against the damp floor afterwards, chest heaving, clothes forgotten apart from his boxers, hair slick with sweat, heart pounding against his chest. Ben head resting gently on top of his bare skin listening to the beat of his heart hand twiddling with a stand of Callum’s hair.

“Your side alright?” Ben whispered breaking the silence. Callum nodded with a small chuckle. He was wrecked. He took a second to think as his fingertips danced across the bare skin of Ben’s back.

“I’ve missed that,” Callum mumbled unable to stop the smile as he turned to look at Ben. For the first time, he felt at home, there on the park floor Ben in his arms.

“What sex? Did you not get any in the army?” Ben whispered teasingly pressing a small ghostly kiss to Callum’s jaw.

“Yeah of course I did and I had leave as well didn’t I?” Callum honesty muttered shaking his head “I meant sex with you” What Callum wanted to meant was, he enjoyed sex but nothing compared to having it with someone you truly love, the feeling was overwhelming. The way their skin would burn against yours there’s nothing that compares to that feeling and that was the feeling Callum had with Ben.

“Well I am pretty good at it,” Ben grinned looking up him. The blue of his eyes sparklingly in the moonlight. Callum could stay there lying on the wet floor of a kids playground forever if he meant he could be here with Ben no distractions just their bodies intertwined under the cloudy night.

“God I’ve missed you” Callum chuckled softly kissing the top of his head. “Jokes and all”

“I’ve missed you too..so much,” Ben whispered so serious, no joke, no little tease just honest about how much he missed the boy he loves. “I ain’t loved anyone else since you left, didn’t think I could”

“Me too, use to sleep with blokes so I would have a place to stay for the night and that was it,” Callum chuckled softly subconsciously pulling Ben closer scared to ever let go of him again. Ben sighed softly shutting his eyes head still resting against Callum’s chest. This was the first time that they both felt alive, they finally felt like they had a place on this earth and it was in each other’s arms.

“I broke without you Callum,” Ben’s voice was so quiet, so delicate against Callum’s skin “I went to prison, I went down such a shit path just please don’t go again” Ben begged in a quiet whisper, tears started to roll down his cheek as he held on to Callum. He let himself be vulnerable and held for the first time since Callum left. Callum nodded lips pressed to Ben’s forehead in silent promise of always being there.

After a few more moments of lying there silently, Ben helped Callum get his clothes back on, careful of the bruises and dent in his side before he helped him up to his feet.

“I’ll walk you home, you staying with Stu?” Ben whispered as he was scared anything he would say would scare Callum off. Callum nodded the feeling of exhaustion finally taken over him. He needed his actual painkillers, the effects of Ben slowly wearing off leaving him in pain. Ben took his hand holding it so gently in his own as he walked Callum back to the flat. They didn’t exchange another word that night, just a quick kiss on Callum’s cheek before Ben left. Callum couldn’t help but smile to himself as he crept upstairs finding a note from Stuart on the table. He grabbed a glass of water before making his way to the guest bedroom falling asleep with the painkillers dulling the ache in his side and the scent of Ben still fresh on his body keeping him warm.

~

A couple of days later Callum sat up in the Carter’s kitchen cup of hot chocolate in his hand. He was surrounded by the family he forgot, Linda, Mick, Lee, Whitney and Shirley.

“How’s things with your brother?” Mick asked as he leaned forward grabbing a digestive biscuit. Neither of them had stopped smiling since Callum came round this morning.

“Bit shit,” Callum mumbled honestly “like he’s trying but I just don’t can’t forgive him I’ve tried but I can’t” He took a sip of his drink. “He keeps asking when I’m going back to the army-“

“When are you going back?” Lee butted in “just wondered if you’ll be here for our wedding in a few months” Lee and Whitney were so in love, arm wrapped around her shoulder as they both giggled and share the occasional kiss. It made Callum warm inside to know that his two closet friends were getting married. Even after he broke Whitney’s heart when they were dating at 15 that night he snogged Ben in the park. He wanted nothing more for them to be happy.

“Uh, the thing is I’m probably not” Callum shrugged. He glanced down at his drink the tears started burning again, he was sick of crying but it was all he seemed to do at the moment. “I’m not on leave..well I am..just medical leave until I’m deemed too unfit to return” Lee frowned as he took in Callum’s words as the rest of the room went silent. “I got hit by shrapnel...my side..it’s a bit of a mess, nerve damage in my leg” Callum chuckled nervously “I don’t want to talk it through, not yet” he admitted. It was still too fresh in his mind then for him to talk about it. To even think about Jason, or those kids left without a mother. He would tell the story one day just not today. Mick gave him a small smile and grabbed his hand as Shirley ruffled his he hair.

“You talked to Ben recently?” Whitney asked and Callum was thankful for the subject change and Callum couldn’t hide the blush and smile that crept onto his face as he remembered that night in the park.

~

Later that day he somehow found himself round Ian’s Beale’s another plate of biscuits in front of him as Lola and Lexi sat next to him photo albums scattered across the table. Memories of their childhood flooding Callum.

“Is that you and daddy?” Lexi asked Callum so sweetly holding up a picture. He wasn’t sure how he ended up here, Lola and Lexi had found him wandering the market when they asked if he wanted a cuppa, and Lexi asked if they could sit and look at photo albums while Callum told her stories for her parents and her uncle Jay. He loved it if he was being honest. Thankful for the escape from his thoughts and Lexi turned out to be the sweetest little girl but cocky like Ben so he couldn’t help but already be wrapped around her little finger. He took the picture and looked at it. It was him and Ben, at his leaving party a few days before he left Ben for his army training. Ben sat on Callum’s lap, drink in hand, arms wrapped around his neck. But what caught his attention was the way they were looking at each other, the way Ben looked at him. It was pure. The memory flooded Callum as he was taken back to that day.

||June 22nd 2011||

The music was loud, the vibrations throbbing in Callum’s chest. He was sat staring at the banner the read “we’ll miss you, Callum and Lee!” It was messy handwriting having been handmade by Lola and Whitney, but it’s was still better than what he could do. Straighter than him too. God he couldn’t even think straight, excuse the pun, the alcohol clouding over everything. He felt numb as he waited for Ben to return from getting a drink. It made him laugh that they still have talked about the fact he was leaving in two days to go to the army but then again the alcohol was making him laugh at everything that night. He sipped his drink as he glanced around one more time letting the cheap vodka burn at his throat. Just wanting to feel numb.

“Cal! Callum!” Ben grinned drunkenly at him as he made himself comfortable on Callum’s lap arm wrapped around his neck. Sloppy kisses were left on Callum’s ear, cheek, jaw, neck. “I got a drink” Ben whispered before pulling away slightly. He stayed quiet. Just looking so intensely into Callum’s eyes and Callum couldn’t help but to look back. Ben’s eyes sparkled like storm clouds right before lightning hit. The clouds of grey and blue dancing together, waiting for the storm, waiting for the raindrops of emotion to drench them, the problem was Ben cared far too much for Callum and Callum cared far too much for Ben.

“Gay” Ben mumbled jokingly, Callum got drawn in when he started to smile the way his lips lifted upward. The way his eyes smiled with them. His smile was a warm glow of happiness. His smile was the sun, and Callum was getting sunburned as he smiled back.

“You two are too cute” Lola grinned but the didn’t break eye contact or smiles not even when they heard the shutter of Lola’s camera.

~

“Yeah yeah it is” Callum gripped on to the photo tightly. He tried to blink the tears away. The lump forming in his throat.

“You look at each other like Disney princes” Lexi grinned looking over at Callum’s arm at the photo. Eyes twinkling like Ben’s but with so much more innocence instead of hurt and emotion.

“Who look like Disney princes babe?” Callum almost snapped his neck when he heard Ben’s voice. He couldn’t help but smile as the warmth spread through his chest when he saw Ben. He became dizzy just look at him.

“You and uncle Cal Daddy!” Lexi beamed at her dad hopping off the chair running over to him. Callum couldn’t let his heart swell at being called Uncle Cal because he got distracted at the way Ben picked up Lexi and spun her around. “You look at each other like you’re Disney princes in love” Lola gently took the photo from Callum’s grip and passed it to Ben. Callum would never forget the way Ben smiled at that photo, soft, eyes glazed with tears.

“Uh yeah..” Ben mumbled so quietly “Anyway princess I’m gonna walk Uncle Callum home so you can get on with the school project of yours with mum” Callum heart dropped a little, thinking that Ben didn’t want him there.

“Oh I can walk myself home, sorry” Callum stuttered out as he stood up cringing at the sound the chair made when it scrapped across the floor.

“No no, I want to” Ben smiled at him giving him a small wink that knocked Callum apart. Ben put Lexi on the floor kissing the top of her head. “See you in a bit princess,”

Callum muttered a quick goodbye to Lola and Lexi with a small promise he would be around soon to play princesses with Lex before walking outside with Ben. The evening was warm for an early May night. The sun just setting a soft pink glow covering everything

“How did you get her to love you so quick hey?” Ben asked as he walked slowly beside Callum. Stuart’s flat was less than two minutes away so both of them were desperate to take their time, to be in each other’s presence as long as they could. “Uncle Callum..did you bribe her with sweets?”

“Nah she’s just like her dad, can’t say no to the highway charm” Callum mumbled nudging his shoulder against Ben’s. The smallest touch sent electric through Callum. Maybe that’s why the second they got to the door to the flat they were all over each other. Hard rushed kisses as Callum tried to open the door without breaking the kiss.

“Fuck Stu’s locked it” Callum grumbled against Ben’s lips as he awkwardly reached into his pocket taken the key as he tried to unlock the door without separating himself from Ben. Once he managed to get the door he dragged Ben to the spare room lips still pressed together.

~

Callum led on the bed after as Ben rolled off collapsing next to him his heavy breaths filled the silence. The room was hot and heavy, their bodies slick with sweat nothing but the thin duvet covering their bodies.

“You alright?” Ben asked quietly breaths still hard “like I didn’t hurt you did I?” He mumbled stroking his hand through Callum sweat-soaked hair.

“Nah I’m fine” Callum struggled to make coherent sentence after what happened. His mind and thoughts clouded by Ben. “What did you go for prison for?” He blurted awkwardly.

“I love it when you talk dirty to me” Ben laughed as he turned over to face him. “Stole a few dodgy motors for dad, got caught nothing major”

“Sorry sorry” Callum chuckled glancing over him smiling softly at Ben, his hand went to his cheek letting his fingertips brush against the skin there and the way Ben nuzzled into his touch made Callum melt. The three words danced on the tip of his tongue.

“Callum do you-“ Stuart cut himself off when he opened the door, he stared beady eyes at the pair of them.

“Stu can’t you knock!” Callum snapped sitting up focused on keeping his and Ben’s waist under the covers.

“I’m sorry I just wanted to ask you what you wanted for dinner bruv! I didn’t expect you to have company!” Callum was certain he had never heard Stuart’s voice so high as his eyes flickered across the room not sure where to look. Callum glanced at Ben before back at Stuart as he cut Ben off from talking.

“Ben was just leaving! Weren’t you Ben?!” Callum didn’t know why he was so panicked. Didn’t understand why he was so worried at what Stuart would think about him sharing the bed with another man.

“Was I?!” Ben snapped the sound of hurt in his tone ringing in Callum’s ears as Callum pulled his boxers on under the covers. Callum nodded as he got out the bed before he pulled a t-shirt on. “Guess I am” Ben grumbled as Callum walked out the room shutting the door behind him to let Ben get dressed.

“Look I didn’t know...I should of knocked” Stuart awkwardly laughed rubbing the back of his neck nervously “didn’t know you were still acted like that,”

“Gay Stu?! You didn’t realise I was still gay?” Callum argued, he felt on edge, annoyed that he couldn’t spend more time with Ben getting to know him all over again. “Did you think that you could out me to dad and he would make the gay go away?!” Callum sighed frustratedly as he took a moment to face away from Stuart to calm himself down. He watched as Ben walked out of the room. The tension suddenly thick in the air between them. Ben’s face cold as he placed the photo from earlier in front of Callum, eyebrow raised as if Ben was getting ready for a fight.

“Still putting your brother’s homophobia before your own happiness? Our happiness?” Ben whispered words were harsh in Callum’s ear “I’ll see you around Callum” Ben’s voice was cold, it was like the wind on a winter day, harsh the coldness of it taking Callum’s breath away in the most painful way and like that Ben left.

“I meant still in love with that Mitchell, look I don’t understand it I don’t, but he makes you happy, you deserve love Callum, you need to go tell him that you still love him” This was the softness that he ever heard Stuart so gentle. He glanced at the picture and realised Stuart was right. He never stopped loving Ben, not for a second, he spent so long trying to get his family back without realising that Ben was his family. He stumbled back to the room pulling the first pair of jeans on he could find before running downstairs on to the street with no shoes just desperate to see Ben.

“Ben!” He shouted a little louder than he expected. His heart pounded against his chest when Ben turned and face him. Callum walked over to him taking a moment to think of what he actually wanted to say. “I’m an idiot, you’re right I’ve tried to put my family homophobia before my own happiness because I wanted them to love me again, to have a family again, but I’m such an idiot! I had a family that loved me! You! It’s always been, you Ben! And I know I know it’s been years but I never stopped loving you” It came out in a loud jumbled rush. The emotions he felt overwhelmed him so much he couldn’t think straight. He just wanted to stand there and scream about how much he loved Ben. “I know we can’t go back, I know things have changed but I want you back, I want to be able to call you mine again! For us to be happy like we were because it’s always been you, Ben, always without a doubt”

Ben kissed him and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below Callum’s ear, his thumb caressing his cheek as their breaths mingled. Callum ran his hands down Ben’s back, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them and he could feel the beating of his heart against his chest. “I love you” Ben mumbled against’s Callum’s lips “never stopped’

They told each other after that they would take it slow, to get to know each other again but it wasn’t slow when the next night Ben fell into Callum’s bed again, of when Ben moved into the flat a month later and it definitely wasn’t slow when Ben accidentally ending up proposing to Callum on a night out six months later where Callum accidentally accepted, but what was slow was the way they danced at their wedding a year after they were reunited and the years they spent together making memories.

**Author's Note:**

> There we go the end of Just Let Me Adore You universe! I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for taking the time to read my fic and everything it means so much to me! Just thank you thank you thank you!!


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